ALOPO (Animal Lover and Obsessive Pet Owner)n. 1. Comes to work covered in their pet’s hair and uses their lunch break to refill their pet’s purified, refrigerated water.

AOC (Antarctica Of Cubicles)n. 1. Everyone else is comfortable, but there seems to be a jet stream from the Arctic Circle to the vent above your desk.

ASMIN (Attention Span Measured In Nanoseconds)n. 1. You play solitaire, surf the Internet and even talk to the strange guy who wears the same clothes every day and smells like cheese. You just can’t sit down and force yourself to work at this time.

AYAROID (Are You A Republican or Democrat, AYAROD)n. 1. Do you find it uncomfortable to talk about politics and other volatile topics in the work place? This person doesn’t.

BBOGC (Big Bowl of Good Candy)n. 1. There is that one person in the office who keeps good candy at their desk. Even if they are on the other side of the building, come mid afternoon, you find an excuse to go by their desk and grab a treat.

BIGL (Bosses Invading Group Lunches)v. 1. When a boss or supervisor crashes an employee lunch as if he does not change the entire course of the conversation and essentially ruin everyone's right to complain about work during the only real break during the workday.

BOBBLE (Bubbly, Overly Happy Busybody Who Likes Everyone, BOHBWLE)n. 1. A co-worker that is so eager to be liked by everyone that he/she is overly enthusiastic and in everyone’s business, thus causing the opposite effect of his/her desires.

BOEWAD (Bottles of Empty Water at Desk)n. 1. People like to stay hydrated, especially at work, but what’s up with that guy who keeps all his empty water bottles at his desk? There are at least a dozen and each has just the smallest bit of water left.

BONONO (Bumbling Office Know-Nothing, BOKN)n. 1. The truly worthless person with no skills and no ability to socialize. Soon to be fired.

BOVT (Body On Vacation Today)n. 1. You keep punching the wrong keys, you accidentally closed an important document before saving it, and you ran into the side of your cubicle. Your brain and body are not working together on this day and you better get home before you accidentally e-mail your fantasy football roster to your boss for hard evidence of your slacking.

BRUSH (Breath Rancid and Unbearable Send Help)n. 1. Chronic bad breath carrier.

CEEBSAW (Cool Employee But Sucks At His Job, CEBSAHJ)n. 1. A very likable person that you secretly want to scream at because they are just so incompetent.

CHATTY (Caught Half Alone Talking To Yourself)n. 1. Most people talk to themselves, and many do it out loud when they think they have some privacy. Every once in a while you get caught by someone else in a full-blown argument or philosophical discussion with yourself.

CHEB (Clothing Hurts Eye Balls)n. 1. This person only shops in the neon section of the clothing store.

CPE (Computer Program Envy)v. 1. All the companies around you have updated Word and Excel programs; you however are still using Word circa 1998 and Outlook circa 1997, what gives?

CRAP (Convergence Resulting in Awkward Passing)v. 1. This is the situation when you see someone coming down the hall that you just barely know and aren’t sure if you should say hello, nod or just walk right by. The result is usually both of you making a strange head bobbing action, muttering something like “How was your going? Good later,” and wishing you had just pretended to be on the phone.

CUP (Chewed Up Pen)n. 1. You need a pen but can only find those that have been gnawed on by your co-workers. Use them and risk getting leftover spit on your hand or find a mechanical pencil sure to break every 5 seconds.

DEFH (Decorative Enthusiast for Holidays)n. 1. These people love each holiday enough for the rest of us. Their side of the office has Christmas trees and lights come winter, cobwebs and skeletons come Halloween and bunnies and eggs come Easter. At least we can all mooch off the candy they keep around.

DENYL (Denies Elderliness No Youth Left)n. 1. The older person in the office who can’t accept it and still tries to relate to the younger employees by making MTV references.

DIBED (Dresses in Black Every Day )n. 1. Is she in mourning or simply just super European chic? This woman dresses in black every single day, save the red or burgundy nail polish that helps to further prove how stylish she really is.

DUD (Door of Unknown Destination)n. 1. You can’t recall ever seeing anyone go in or come out of this door, there is no sign on it, and you are somewhat scared of entering.

DUHL (Did You Hear Lady, DYHL)n. 1. Office gossiper.

DUM (Don’t Understand Mission)n. 1. Your boss explained the project, you have a small pile of papers about the assignment, and your co-workers have already started, but you are sweating because you just really don’t understand what it is you are supposed to be doing.

DUTMUG (Did You Try My Uncle’s Quiche, DYTMUQ)n. 1. Somehow has an endless supply of questionable food they brought from home and is just a little too eager to share.

EDSEL (Easily Distracted Computer Illiterate Lemming, EDCIL)n. 1. Seems to constantly be in other people’s business and trying to find out how to work their computer.

EWEW (Early Weekend Every Weekend, EWEW)n. 1. The recent college graduate who has yet to shake that whole “going out every Thursday night,” habit and rarely makes it in on Friday due to “illness.”

EMWOC (Employee Wired On Caffeine, EWOC)n. 1. Has imported coffee beans from Guatemala, scoffs at gas station coffee and wonders why their arms are shaking.

FAT (Friday Afternoon Time Warp, FATW)n. 1. The feeling that every hour on Friday afternoon seems to last two to three times as long as it should.

FUNC (Fluctuating Unbearable Noxious Cubicle)n. 1. This cubicle seems to emit its own disgusting fumes at random. The broad spectrum of smells has you wondering if you smell and where the fumes are coming from.

GITKACK (Go To Computer Application Expert Co-worker, GTCAEC)n. 1. The computer expert who darts around the office to help everyone with his or her problems.

GRIFT (Guy/Girl who Rebuts and Invalidates Information from Higher-Ups, GWRIIFHU)n. That guy or girl in the office that exerts their nonexistent authority during meetings by invalidating all the information the boss says and then inserts their own “take” and “knowledge” on the subject. The worst GRIFTS are apparent after only a week or two at the job.

GUD (Gum Under Desk)n. 1. You are at your co-workers desk and your hand touches something sticky as you are pulling the chair closer. Upon closer look you realize there are at least 13 sticks of chewed-up, wadded gum that he/she has been stashing under the desk since being hired 4 months ago.

HEE (Hole-Punch Exploded Everywhere)v. 1. The handy 3-hole punch just threw up thousands of little white circles, and they are everywhere, on your clothes, in your keyboard, all over the carpet somehow some ended up halfway down the hall.

HEWPHAE (Hypocondriac Employee Who Pops Pills, has an Allergy to Everything, HEWPPHAATE)n. 1. An employee who is always sick and going to the doctor. He/she will often carry around 10-15 prescriptions at any given time and is always talking about new allergies that are diagnosed on a daily basis.

HHH (Haunted House Hallway)n. 1. There is a hallway in the office that has one fluorescent light that always flickers, creating a strobe/haunted house effect. The light bulb has been changed multiple times, but continues to flicker.

ILMSEEBY (I Lost Mine Can I Borrow Yours, ILMCIBY)n. 1. This person has more of your supplies than you do.

LALWITCH (Laughs Abnormally Loud Like A Witch, LALLAW)n. 1. Whether the joke is funny or not, this person’s cackle can be heard in every corner of the building.

LTEOT (Lost the End of the Tape)n. 1. You are using some tape and miss the metal catcher. The end of the tape is nowhere to be found, you have dragged your nail all around the tape, going both ways and the end has seriously disappeared. The roll may be full but it is now officially useless.

MREP (Monday Rage of Epic Proportions)n. 1. Not just your normal distaste for Mondays, but the kind where you need a calendar, a running stopwatch and visual evidence to prove that it has actually been two full days since you last saw the inside of your work place. The wrong comment could lead to a story about you in the local news following the headline “Local Man Assaults Boss with Desk Lamp.”

MUM (Most Useless Mouse)n. 1. The last mouse they could find in the maintenance closet. It has all the precision of a shopping cart with two bad wheels or a balloon that just had its air let out.

NEMER (Needs Eye Make-up Remover, NEMR)n. 1. The lady who walks around the office with eyelids that look like stained glass.

NO•SHOW (Nodding Off Smelling Horribly of Whiskey)n. 1. Frequently comes in hung over, falls asleep in meetings and can’t shake the smell of what they drank last night.

OAHAG (Overly Active Handshake Guy, OAHG)n. 1. This guy uses pounds, slaps, high-fives, finger waggles and the patented, 46-second shake-and-talk.

OIOSAP (Overly Involved in Office Sports and Parties)n. 1. Knocks people over at the company picnic’s touch-football game, drinks too much at company parties, dances like a fool and treats the office fantasy football league like a life or death matter.

OVER•PIMP (Overly Peppy Insane Monday Person, OPIMP)n. 1. An employee who has the excitement most have on Friday afternoon on Monday morning.

PCE (Poster-Crazed Employee)n. 1. An employee who came in the first day of work with an arsenal of posters to cover every available inch of his/her cubicle.

PDEBM (Permanent Dry Erase Board Markers)n. 1. Why do some dry-erase markers never come off the board? You write and come erasing time, they are stuck there. Use the special eraser, use the spray nothing is getting those notes off.

PICNIC (Problem in Chair Not In Computer)n. 1. Dumb person.

PITL (Phone is Too Loud)n. 1. For some reason, no matter what you do, this phone is always too loud, the volume button must have broke on the highest setting and now you must talk to people by holding the phone five inches away from your ear.

POKAWIC (Pictures of Kids as Wallpaper in Cubicle)n. 1. Co-workers practically sprint past this person’s cubicle to avoid seeing the picture of little Julie or Johnny and their most recent boo-boo or C+ on a spelling test.

POSTL (People and Office Suddenly Trigger Lunacy, PAOSTL)n. 1. When the feeling of being trapped in your cubicle and listening to nothing but keyboards and printers makes you want to snap.

PUNKR•RIC (Punk Rocker Residing in a Cubicle, PRRIAC)n. 1. Used to be in a punk rock band, now they type 75 words-a-minute. The tattoos peaking out of the dress-shirt collar are a nice touch.

PWOOS (Printer Works On Its Own Schedule)n. 1. You can send something to the printer, but from that point it is really a toss-up as to whether it will print or not.

QUIGWOOJ (Quiet Guy With Obscure Unknown Job, QGWOUJ)n. 1. You see him in the halls and he talks to people at their cubicle, but no one really knows what he does or where he sits.

REFRIMER (Refrigerator Is My Restaurant, RIMR)n. 1. A sneaky rat who never brings lunch because they feast on other people’s food in the employee breakroom.

SHUIQSTA (Shut Up I’m Quitting Smoking Today, SUIQST)n. 1. Has been quitting for several months now, but today is their last smoke. Usually accompanied by a surly disposition.

SHIT•HAC (Says Hello In The Hallway Constantly, SHITHC)n. 1. The overly friendly greeter that seems to be best friends with everyone.

SNAWL (Smoke Now and Work Later, SNAWL)n. 1. Pushes the limits of how many smoke breaks they can take and still retain their job.

SOC (Sketchy Office Condiments)n. 1. The condiments in the breakroom fridge that you feel really weary of using even if they are not expired because too many people have access to them.

SOMOC (Solitaire or Minesweeper Office Champion)n. 1. Most of the work they do on the computer is to beat their own best score on these age-old computer games.

SOS (Seriously Out of Staples, SOOS)n. 1. No one seems to have any staples in the office, everyone is searching their drawers because suddenly everyone has something that needs stapling.

SPEW (Sad Pathetic Employee Whining)n. 1. The overly negative employee who should have quit a year ago.

STAFFIL (Stares At French Fries In Longing, SAFFIL)n. 1. The woman who is trying a new diet each week and stays at the same weight.

STALE (Small Talk a Little Everyday)n. 1. Whether trapped in the elevator with your boss or cornered in the break room by the chatty person, you are sure to have a pointless conversation everyday. When someone starts with “How about that local sports team?” or “Texas sure is a big state, huh?” pretend you have something important to do and run.

STYMIED•PIP (Solitary Team Member In Denial, Perpetuating Inane Practices, STMIDPIP)n. 1. The office outcast who is convinced his or her ideas are much better than everyone else’s.

SUC (Secretly Using Cell Phone, SUCP)v. 1. When an employee has to do personal business while at work and sneaks off to use his/her cell phone in the bathroom or breakroom. A SUC will also secretly text under his/her desk.

TMIC (Too Much Information Conversation)n. 1. When you are trapped in an overly personal conversation with a co-worker who is talking to you as if you were their best friend.

TOCS (The One Cold Spot)n. 1. The one corner of the office that is freezing due to an air vent that blows out freezing cold air from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. The person/people who sit in TOCS are often wearing coats, gloves, hats and scarves, and are sipping hot tea all day while everyone else in the office is wearing short sleeves and has their fans going.

TOFIA (Token Office Foreigner In Accounting)n. 1. Every office has one.

UM•DUH (Upper Management Doesn’t Understand and Needs Help, UMDUANH)n. 1. Often confused and under-qualified upper-management who draw the resentment of all the people who work for them.

UMSHAG (Unknown Marriage Status of Hot Guy, UMSOHG)n. 1. Some days he has a ring and some days he doesn’t. All the women are curious, but won’t ask.

UCOAT (Under Qualified Overly Ambitious Type, UQOAT)n. 1. The person who doesn’t really deserve their job and knows it, so they overcompensate by trying to do everything including brown-nosing as often as possible.

WAWHM (Why Are We Here Meeting?)n. 1. You didn’t want to go, you were bored during the meeting and everyone leaves wondering what exactly was accomplished.

WDIHAM (Why Don’t I Have A Mac?)n. 1. Why do some people in the office get fancy new Macintosh computers, while others have to trudge their way through outdated and bulky PC’s? Mac Envy, it’s real, and we all have it.

WELM (Wannna Eat Lunch With Me?, WELWM)n. 1. Has an intense fear of eating alone that reeks of desperation.

WOWD (White Out Wasn’t Dry)n. 1. You thought you had waited long enough, but when you tried to write on the white out you realized it wasn’t dry and now your document looks even worse. More than that, you now have white out on your pen and all over your hands.